i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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