sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize