If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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