dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
