Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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