Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
