party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he wants to bone in the snuggie
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
