Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
