she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize