You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
