Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
