it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
