Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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