just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
