I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
