Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
