the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
