im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
