She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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