I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize
