I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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