i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
