I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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