Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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