have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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