Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
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haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
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When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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