it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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