Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My dick has a subreddit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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