3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
