The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
