o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
