I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize