He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
