I think i sorta joined a cult last night
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
