It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
