got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
