Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
