6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize