Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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