I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
