you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
