I just made out with a guy for $7.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
