I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize