i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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