For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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