You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
we're so committed to being not committed
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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