Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
