A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
