Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize