I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
