She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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