If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
