these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
