cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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