just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
