My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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