there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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