I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
