This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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