good thing vaginas are great cup holders
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
