oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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