C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
